the phenomenon of alumni..

Alumni weekend. a weekend to remember and look forward to for students and graduates alike, more so than any other regular weekend. it's two and a half days of sketchiness and debauchery. Thirty year-olds lose all their inhibitions and most of their dignity pretending that they are 21 again, and that throwing beer at each other is okay (it is never okay, especially at age thirty, and only moderately okay at college in a complete shithole of a bar, when you're fifteen shots deep). recently graduated alumni, who are still young enough to feel like they fit in, throw their money, jobs, and hard-earned, practiced charm at anything that looks like a college student, in hopes of getting the sought-after college hookup. nothing says you're still cool and attractive like sleeping over in a dorm room, then having to walk home the next day in your grownup clothes, after an awkward, bleary morning waking up next to someone that you don't know, and who probably is around the age of your younger sister/brother/cousin.

All current college students know that they are going to receive drunken texts and/or calls at four in the morning from alumni that they may know, be close with, or randomly have traded numbers with one wasted, half-remembered night in a bar or house party. these text and calls have one goal in mind---a goal that is implicit and understood by both parties. this call or text, which usually involves the terms "hanging out", "meeting up", or "seeing you later" are the mating calls of alumni. there is no way that a guy or girl is looking to catch up at 5 in the morning after a day of drinking that probably started at 6 p.m. (because they forget that they cannot handle the amount of alcohol college students can consume and train at increasing on a daily basis). alumni are not going to be capable of intelligent speech or thought, usually evident in the random numbers or misspelled words in the text, or in the slurred, repetitive speech of the phone call or voicemail. they want two things----a place to sleep, you naked, or a combination of the two.

the text is sent. the invitation is thrown out there. barriers are down. do you respond?

the choice is yours.

sadly, or perhaps to my greater benefit, i rebuffed the advances of several alumni. god knows what diseases they may have contracted while out in the grownup world. i chose instead to pass out in all my drunken glory alone, with the comforting thought that the only one to see me look like a sloppy, booze-reeking disaster in the morning would be my roomate.

worlds are changed, relationships are forged, and new awkward pinacles are reached during alumni weekend. it's many peoples' last chance to hook up with a crush, or an oppurtunity to retreat back into the comfortable, protective bubble that is "college-ness". for alumni, it is a short trip to paradise.

for seniors like me, it is a scary look into the future.