does stuff like this really happen?

did i mention how romantic swings seem lately? no? must be One Town Over's influence.

he had picked me up earlier in the night because i didn't have a car for the evening (funny how convenient sisters can be at borrowing things at exactly the right time). we had hung out with his friends at a restaurant and then traveled to previously mentioned friends' house to hang out on their back porch.

After a hour or so of relaxing and having a casual drink, my eyes were starting to get heavy and everything was slowing down in that lazy way you get when you're cozy enough to slip away into sleep. he got up to take me home, because apparently he is the first guy i have ever met who possesses that rare quality of observation. that or he noticed that my head looked like it going to hit the table every five minutes when i forgot to pay attention and almost drifted off.

we made a quick detour to his house because his gas tank was empty and he needed to switch cars. we pulled up to his house at around 11:30 pm, and he ran inside to get the keys. meanwhile, since i am in possession of a very curious nature, i had wandered over to examine a tree in his front yard while waiting for him to come out.

the tree i was drawn to examine was a very special type of tree. it had that magic feel to it. a tree that only happens once every couple of neighborhoods. the tree you want your kids to have and the tree that as a five year-old you have wet dreams about. it's a tree for adventure, for forts, for hiding away from chores or parents. it was huge, sturdy, and old---perfect for leaning against as you're reading a book on a lazy spring day, with thick, low branches ideal for climbing and perching on. it's huge leaves reached almost to the ground, forming a giant green canopy and isolating you in a gorgeous green sphere. first kisses, holding hands, and crushes were formed under this tree. scrapes, falls, and childhood memories grew with this tree the same way it's trunk and roots did. more importantly for this post, it was a tree for swings and hammocks.

and of course, what else would be hooked up to this marvelous specimen but a two-seater swing. obviously there was no way i was leaving his house without first trying out the swing.

i settled myself in the cushions and gently pushed off with my toe to start the motion. the night was balmy and clear, and the back and forth motion of the swing cooled my face. i could see the stars through the branches, and the air tasted of cool grass and the flowers that grew along his walkway. something about a summer night always makes me feel eighteen again. i leaned back against the chair and closed my eyes, relaxing and taking in the creak of the swing, the soft swish of the air, and the quiet sounds of the night.

i opened my eyes and he stood there smiling. not a full smile, but a half smile, shy and sweet. he settled in beside me on the swing without a word and pulled me close so that my head rested on his shoulder. his hand searched for mine, and his fingers traced the lines on my palm. he has beautiful fingers, long and tapered, yet strong. his hands are made for playing an instrument, and they're gentle when they cup my face or sift through my hair. he noticed that i was looking down at them.

"i hate my hands."

"why?" couldn't he see that his hands were perfect?

"they're so callused and tough."

"no" i corrected, "they're strong. i can't believe you hate them. at least you're not like me. when i smile, my eyes get all squinty."

his laugh was warm and full. "i happen to think that's one of your most endearing qualities. your nose also scrunches up right at the top. it's very cute. you have a gorgeous smile."

i blushed, thankful that it was dark enough he couldn't see. i haven't blushed since i was a freshman in college, but then again guys don't usually notice intimate things like that. and when they do, they usually don't mean them. i was afraid that if he was that observant, he could strip away my protective guards in no time. i have no defense against sweetness.

we lapsed back into silence. and it was...comfortable, but not. it was almost tender. and when he lifted my face up to kiss me, my bones softened, my eyes drifted closed, and my heart just sort of ....fluttered. and i'm embarrassed to even write that, but goddammit that's what happened.

the only thing that would have made this whole scene even more disgustingly perfect would have been if a soft, romantic emo song would have started playing in the background. it was that ridiculous.

but the odd and somewhat frightening thing is that it didn't feel cheesy or staged or forced.


so now i wait.....and see if this is for real.

new possiblilites..

since it's been awhile i'm just going to jump right in. still no job, although i am working on it i swear. and if i hear any more unemployed jokes shot in my direction, i will lose it and go on a screaming rampage. so that's a little frustrating.

i had a little situation with a Hometown boy for a while. like all things in my life it didn't end up working out. we come from completely different types of lifestyles, and even though we tried, it would have never clicked. that sounds a lot better than the fact that he also had the dubious quality of being shorter than me. i am only 5'5. and i know i'm shallow but it was a big thing i couldn't get past. i'd like to feel that if i was ever involved in an altercation that i would protected, not defending his ass and mine.

however, just when i despaired of any new opposite sex interaction at all, i got asked for my number at a local bar that i always go to. me. i got asked. for my number. twice. yeah bitches.

one boy, One Town Over, looks extremely promising. so promising that i'm terrified i will screw this up before it even gets off the ground. for one, i was attracted to him right off the bat, instead of growing to be attracted. two, he's funny. his quirky brand of humor compliments my own. three, he's smart. thank god for that. being able to have an intelligent conversation is half the battle. four, and now these are just bonuses, he can sing. like really sing. and play guitar. i hate sounding like a stupid groupie but..... OHMYGOD. and five, i think he drives a truck.

i mean really, where did this guy come from?

and to think that he was right over the bridge my entire life.


sometimes life's a kick in the ass.

an idea for after the bar.

we lay on a blanket underneath the stars in a practice soccer field near the high school. It had just rained, and we were sensitive to the wet seeping through the layers we had put underneath the blanket.

"Is that the little dipper?"

"I can never tell. i'm terrible at constellations. i never saw the point in them." i was just disgruntled because i have never had any skill in locating those starlight pictures.

"i'm pretty sure that's the little dipper."

We fell silent because, after all, there's only so much filler conversation on constellations that one can attempt. Strangely, the silence felt more comfortable.

As we lay side by side, yet seperate on the blanket, his hand brushed mine.
clasped.
held.



i smiled in the darkness, and continued staring up at the sky.

fluff

sometimes i wonder if the self i present to the outside world isn't really a container for something unique, more meaningful inside of me. if there is no depth to me, or complexity.



what if all i am.....is the superficial?

the psycho strikes again

my best friend and i recently found out that we were not invited to a party. we're fun, we like to booze, and people generally get along with us. this party also happened to be held at one of our friend's houses.

so why were we not invited?

it's quite interesting actually. my ex-boyfriend from almost three years ago (the one who refuses to let his pride heal because i dared break up with him instead of letting him break up with me, even though by now i've heard from several people that he's hopped in and out of beds from here to china), presented our friend with an ultimatum: him, or me.

needless to say, i, along with my best friend, lost that contest.



but really, it makes me wonder if the ex will ever grow up?
i think after this display, it's safe to say he's got a looooong way to go.