i see so many of my girlfriends stuck in the same position lately. they like a guy who they think likes them, and the guy really acts like he likes them....but the relationship doesn't go anywhere. it's like they're standing still while everything is moving a hundred miles an hour around them.
really...that feeling sucks.
i think every girl has been in that unbearably frustrating situation. where you constantly second guess yourself and him. you feel like you have control but the situation is actually completely out of your hands. you lie awake at night wondering why he's not calling you, if he is thinking about you right now like you are thinking about him, if he likes you at all or if it's just a hookup, and on and on it goes in an endless circle in your head until you want to scream with frustration.
it's awful because we are programmed as girls to not be able to get over a situation like that. we need a resolution and when guys don't give us this resolution, they put us in a rut. a rut so deep that it's a long, hard, and backsliding climb out. it's painful, erodes at our self-esteem, and makes us vulnerable to the exact same situation that we just extracted ourselves from. so really, guys are perpetuating a vicious cycle.
i see this...
and i am terrified to let myself become open again.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
an opportunity
i am giving Red Head a chance. not a life committment. not a relationship. not even a date.
a chance.
i am NOT going to get attached. i am going to be cool, calm, collected, and most importantly in control. this will be something fun. something that will not get serious. i will not be backed into a corner and i will retain my freedom.
still....
i'm scared.
a chance.
i am NOT going to get attached. i am going to be cool, calm, collected, and most importantly in control. this will be something fun. something that will not get serious. i will not be backed into a corner and i will retain my freedom.
still....
i'm scared.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
the two extremes
i love being single. the rush, the excitement of not knowing what's going to happen each night i go out. the anticipation that something wonderful is just around the corner, and the fun and flirty conversations with new guys. it's amazing not being tied down, or knowing the routine of your day. it's a challenge to get dressed up for someone you don't know, and then pit your femininity against all the other girls out, coming out on top.
then there is the freedom of no strings. the instant flare of heat and attraction between me and an unknown guy. the spark of eye contact, the give and take of conversation, and the tingle of the new and mysterious. sometimes i need the flame and passion of a random hookup---made all the more intense for it's ability to happen unexpectedly and then vanish after one night.
but when i lay in bed alone at night, i miss the sweetness of a relationship. i remember the comfort of knowing who to call at the end of the night, and the tenderness in his eyes when i woke up to him watching me sleep. i miss the gentleness of his fingers when brushing my hair back, and the knowledge that when he looked at me, i was all he saw. it's lonely not to know another's body as intimately as yours....to know that you fit just right there, and that he likes to sleep on his stomach.
so yeah i love being single. it's a blast.
but i could use a little sweetness now and then.
then there is the freedom of no strings. the instant flare of heat and attraction between me and an unknown guy. the spark of eye contact, the give and take of conversation, and the tingle of the new and mysterious. sometimes i need the flame and passion of a random hookup---made all the more intense for it's ability to happen unexpectedly and then vanish after one night.
but when i lay in bed alone at night, i miss the sweetness of a relationship. i remember the comfort of knowing who to call at the end of the night, and the tenderness in his eyes when i woke up to him watching me sleep. i miss the gentleness of his fingers when brushing my hair back, and the knowledge that when he looked at me, i was all he saw. it's lonely not to know another's body as intimately as yours....to know that you fit just right there, and that he likes to sleep on his stomach.
so yeah i love being single. it's a blast.
but i could use a little sweetness now and then.
my only true love
i have a desperate love affair with music. it's been an ongoing thing since i figured out what lyrics and melody were. i'm always playing it, day in and day out. when i'm getting ready, when i'm about to sleep, when i'm angry, when i'm sad, when i'm happy, and when i have too much energy to sit still. i listen to soft and sweet, slow and stirring, the achingly beautiful. i'll play the romantic and tender, yet also the rhytmic, bumping dance beats. to me lyrics and melody are another kind of poetry.
music is one of the ways i can express inside of me what sometimes has no words. i have no musical talent whatsoever. but something about picking the right song to listen to does wonders for my internal balance and equilibrium.
and i found that the song i am in the mood for usually tells me something about myself that i've been unaware of. gotta love music. something wonderful to listen to while learning about myself.
time for some snow patrol.
music is one of the ways i can express inside of me what sometimes has no words. i have no musical talent whatsoever. but something about picking the right song to listen to does wonders for my internal balance and equilibrium.
and i found that the song i am in the mood for usually tells me something about myself that i've been unaware of. gotta love music. something wonderful to listen to while learning about myself.
time for some snow patrol.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
a hate love relationship
one would think, by looking at previous posts, that i hate guys.
that is completely and totally false.
i adore guys. really. i love the way they're stronger than us. i love it when they're protective. i'm crazy about how they smell and the way our heads fit right under their chin. i love how they are so tough on the outside, but at one gesture from us they turn into a absolute teddy bear. i love the fact that once you make them commit, they love you completely, tenderly, and fiercely with no holds barred. i love their loyalty. i'm fascinated by their 5 o'clock shadow, and the way it can make a baby face turn into a rugged man. i like their confidence, their different way of looking at things, and the fact that their sense of humor can send me rolling on the floor into hysterics.
i love the way they walk and how their arms pull us in close and tight. i like it when they sweat, and how what you see is what you get. their clothes are always more comfortable and warmer than ours, and somehow manage to look cuter on us as well. the way they curl us into them in bed makes me go all soft inside. i love the way they grin, like they know you can't stay mad at them because they're so damn cute that you have to forgive them. i love how their bodies are shaped differently from ours, hard and muscular. i love how they can make us want to jump their bones by looking at us a certain way. i love the passion and attraction they inspire. i love the random thoughtful things they do. i love their attitude, their anger, their sense of fun, their cockiness, and their aggressiveness.
so yeah...i definitely do not hate guys.
far from it.
i just wish they would pull their heads out of their asses every once in a while.
that is completely and totally false.
i adore guys. really. i love the way they're stronger than us. i love it when they're protective. i'm crazy about how they smell and the way our heads fit right under their chin. i love how they are so tough on the outside, but at one gesture from us they turn into a absolute teddy bear. i love the fact that once you make them commit, they love you completely, tenderly, and fiercely with no holds barred. i love their loyalty. i'm fascinated by their 5 o'clock shadow, and the way it can make a baby face turn into a rugged man. i like their confidence, their different way of looking at things, and the fact that their sense of humor can send me rolling on the floor into hysterics.
i love the way they walk and how their arms pull us in close and tight. i like it when they sweat, and how what you see is what you get. their clothes are always more comfortable and warmer than ours, and somehow manage to look cuter on us as well. the way they curl us into them in bed makes me go all soft inside. i love the way they grin, like they know you can't stay mad at them because they're so damn cute that you have to forgive them. i love how their bodies are shaped differently from ours, hard and muscular. i love how they can make us want to jump their bones by looking at us a certain way. i love the passion and attraction they inspire. i love the random thoughtful things they do. i love their attitude, their anger, their sense of fun, their cockiness, and their aggressiveness.
so yeah...i definitely do not hate guys.
far from it.
i just wish they would pull their heads out of their asses every once in a while.
i am a mess
i am a very go with the flow person. i don't like planning in advance, and i hate being hemmed in by things set in stone.
which is probably why relationships and any kind of boundaries scare the bejesus out of me.
which also makes me a very hard person to date/get-to-know/see.
so maybe the problem isn't only with guys. i'm man..*ahem*...woman enough to admit that i might be part of the problem.
i am a walking contradiction. i want the stability and comfort of a relationship but not the restrictions. i want the dependency and familiarity with one person but not the boredom of the same old thing day in and day out. i want to be independent but i hate loneliness. i am not built for meaningless hook-ups or one night stands, yet as soon as something starts to look meaningful i run away.
i like being free and single. but i hate feeling so alone.
i need to find a way to resolve these conflicts because all they're doing is subtly sabotaging every relationship i have before it even starts.
which is probably why relationships and any kind of boundaries scare the bejesus out of me.
which also makes me a very hard person to date/get-to-know/see.
so maybe the problem isn't only with guys. i'm man..*ahem*...woman enough to admit that i might be part of the problem.
i am a walking contradiction. i want the stability and comfort of a relationship but not the restrictions. i want the dependency and familiarity with one person but not the boredom of the same old thing day in and day out. i want to be independent but i hate loneliness. i am not built for meaningless hook-ups or one night stands, yet as soon as something starts to look meaningful i run away.
i like being free and single. but i hate feeling so alone.
i need to find a way to resolve these conflicts because all they're doing is subtly sabotaging every relationship i have before it even starts.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
a marvelous virtue
Guys want to know the magic secret. what brings a girl's pants down faster than alcohol and having to pee really badly. well i've got it. and i can say it in one word.
chivalry.
that's it. as simple and apparently as complicated as that. you want a girl to remember you, to think you're original and special, to want to take you home so badly that she'd drag you back by your shoes if it wasn't a slutty thing to do?
be a nice guy. be a gentleman. do the white knight thing. don't be overbearing and don't try to do it so that we notice. don't buy me a drink and expect me to fall over in gratitude. don't talk about the great things you do or how you "respect" girls. one, i'm not going to believe it, especially in a bar, and two i'm probably going to hear you pull that line three minutes later after i finish the drink you bought me and walk away. that will not get you anywhere...or anywhere with a girl that is actually worth something.
i'm talking about action fellas. the opening of the doors, the giving up of seats, the motion for girls to go first. the genuine interest, the eye contact above my neck, and the confident, protective guy-ness. those non-verbal gestures and body language are what we pick up on. we're smarter than you think. we might fall for pretty words at first, but the actions make or break you.
i would give anything to have a guy stand up for me.
to make me feel like i'm precious and valuable.
and if he did....i would have him home in my bed faster than you can say "laid".
chivalry.
that's it. as simple and apparently as complicated as that. you want a girl to remember you, to think you're original and special, to want to take you home so badly that she'd drag you back by your shoes if it wasn't a slutty thing to do?
be a nice guy. be a gentleman. do the white knight thing. don't be overbearing and don't try to do it so that we notice. don't buy me a drink and expect me to fall over in gratitude. don't talk about the great things you do or how you "respect" girls. one, i'm not going to believe it, especially in a bar, and two i'm probably going to hear you pull that line three minutes later after i finish the drink you bought me and walk away. that will not get you anywhere...or anywhere with a girl that is actually worth something.
i'm talking about action fellas. the opening of the doors, the giving up of seats, the motion for girls to go first. the genuine interest, the eye contact above my neck, and the confident, protective guy-ness. those non-verbal gestures and body language are what we pick up on. we're smarter than you think. we might fall for pretty words at first, but the actions make or break you.
i would give anything to have a guy stand up for me.
to make me feel like i'm precious and valuable.
and if he did....i would have him home in my bed faster than you can say "laid".
Monday, October 23, 2006
why i love it
writing is not easy. it is work. it takes time, effort, and determination. i don't care what you think---writing doesn't come out as easy as breathing, nor is it something you can just plop down and do. a true writer is constantly revising, perfecting, changing, and starting over. a true writer is never satisfied with their work. a true writer is their own harshest critic. a true writer thinks that they are the worst writer in the world.
writing takes a lot out of you. it's so difficult to write about an event or a thought, and somehow convey the very experience to a reader. it's exhausting trying to find the right words to make things jump off the page at you, to capture all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts that were veering crazily through your head at the time, to convey the very soul of something.
most days i dread the thought of sitting down and trying to write, of anticipating the struggle i am going to have with words and sentences. then there are days where i am so full of words that they bubble out from my fingers onto my computer. most of the time writing is a battle, a grapple with memory and letters and emotion.
it's draining and uncomfortable and sometimes doesn't feel worth it. especially when you cannot seem to strip away the crap and expose the gold underneath.
but there's something about seeing words you sweated over on the page. you get a little glow somwhere around the vicinity of your chest.
that....that little glow is what it's all about.
the struggle is what makes it worth it.
writing takes a lot out of you. it's so difficult to write about an event or a thought, and somehow convey the very experience to a reader. it's exhausting trying to find the right words to make things jump off the page at you, to capture all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts that were veering crazily through your head at the time, to convey the very soul of something.
most days i dread the thought of sitting down and trying to write, of anticipating the struggle i am going to have with words and sentences. then there are days where i am so full of words that they bubble out from my fingers onto my computer. most of the time writing is a battle, a grapple with memory and letters and emotion.
it's draining and uncomfortable and sometimes doesn't feel worth it. especially when you cannot seem to strip away the crap and expose the gold underneath.
but there's something about seeing words you sweated over on the page. you get a little glow somwhere around the vicinity of your chest.
that....that little glow is what it's all about.
the struggle is what makes it worth it.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
love that
Song to listen to:
"Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin.
Full of that punk rock teen angst, and gorgeous, poetic lyrics.
gets me every time.
"Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin.
Full of that punk rock teen angst, and gorgeous, poetic lyrics.
gets me every time.
a busy little bee
i had an extremely productive day today.
i ran. as in exercise running. i forgot how out of shape i am, which means i'll have to work on that, and i also forgot how good i feel after. so that is hopefully becoming part of my agenda.
i had a meeting with career services to start figuring out my life. the lady was extremely nice and helpful, but it's still all extremely overwhelming. apparently life itself is overwhelming. but i'm excited to look into the fields that i might be spending the rest of my life working in.
i also received the employee of the month award at my on-campus job. not really a huge deal but it's nice to know my efforts are appreciates, even if it doesn't always seem that way.
i am going to cap off the night with drinks and debauchery.
i have to....i'm proud of myself.
i ran. as in exercise running. i forgot how out of shape i am, which means i'll have to work on that, and i also forgot how good i feel after. so that is hopefully becoming part of my agenda.
i had a meeting with career services to start figuring out my life. the lady was extremely nice and helpful, but it's still all extremely overwhelming. apparently life itself is overwhelming. but i'm excited to look into the fields that i might be spending the rest of my life working in.
i also received the employee of the month award at my on-campus job. not really a huge deal but it's nice to know my efforts are appreciates, even if it doesn't always seem that way.
i am going to cap off the night with drinks and debauchery.
i have to....i'm proud of myself.
Monday, October 16, 2006
just another life lesson
The whole Best Friend Hookup thing is definitely over. he has not talked to me in two weeks now. i even made the executive decision to take him out of my phone, because i am not cool with drunk texting him in my weak moments, (always a bad, psycho/stupid girl move.) i just have one question. may i ask why guys, college guys in particular, pull this whole hot and cold thing? i am extremely confused with this whole phenomenon. you would think by now guys would be mature enough to just talk to us girls.
Help me to understand how a girl can hook up with a guy, not a serious or dangerous hookup by any means, hang out with him two times later that week, have a blast, joke around, and then have the same guy who was so interested stop talking to her completely? it's hurtful, people. it's confusing and immature and errodes at the self-esteem.
When i asked a friend of his what the deal was, or what he thought the deal was, with Best Friend, his response was "Best Friend Hookup has issues".
FUCK issues.
everyone has issues.
i can't even begin to list my own.
yet i can still function socially and with respect to other people.
i hate it when people hide behind the fact that they have "issues" or they're "damaged" and incapable of acting maturely. everyone is damaged and twisted inside. it's what happens when you live life. what counts is how you act despite that damage.
if he wasn't interested he should have just said so. it's really that simple. and that courteous. yeah i would have been a little taken aback but it's better than letting me wonder, and wallow in my own self-pity and doubt.
Because i'm better than that. i'm better than how he treats me. hell, i'm better than him if this is how he acts. i deserve the respect that he refuses to give me, or is just too damn stupid to give me. he should be able to recognize that i am a cool and unique person, one who wasn't going to freak out on him or demand impossible things.
obviously he didn't know me at all. which is sad considering we were best friends at one point. i'm also upset with the fact that maybe i didn't know the person he was either. so we both learned something from this little episode. i've learned that i don't need that type of shit anymore from guys. i have no tolerance for it, and it's a waste of my time. i hope he eventually figures out what he wants, and doesn't go through the rest of life emotionally farting on people.
and i'm still petty enough to hope that he regrets this missed opportunity like hell.
Help me to understand how a girl can hook up with a guy, not a serious or dangerous hookup by any means, hang out with him two times later that week, have a blast, joke around, and then have the same guy who was so interested stop talking to her completely? it's hurtful, people. it's confusing and immature and errodes at the self-esteem.
When i asked a friend of his what the deal was, or what he thought the deal was, with Best Friend, his response was "Best Friend Hookup has issues".
FUCK issues.
everyone has issues.
i can't even begin to list my own.
yet i can still function socially and with respect to other people.
i hate it when people hide behind the fact that they have "issues" or they're "damaged" and incapable of acting maturely. everyone is damaged and twisted inside. it's what happens when you live life. what counts is how you act despite that damage.
if he wasn't interested he should have just said so. it's really that simple. and that courteous. yeah i would have been a little taken aback but it's better than letting me wonder, and wallow in my own self-pity and doubt.
Because i'm better than that. i'm better than how he treats me. hell, i'm better than him if this is how he acts. i deserve the respect that he refuses to give me, or is just too damn stupid to give me. he should be able to recognize that i am a cool and unique person, one who wasn't going to freak out on him or demand impossible things.
obviously he didn't know me at all. which is sad considering we were best friends at one point. i'm also upset with the fact that maybe i didn't know the person he was either. so we both learned something from this little episode. i've learned that i don't need that type of shit anymore from guys. i have no tolerance for it, and it's a waste of my time. i hope he eventually figures out what he wants, and doesn't go through the rest of life emotionally farting on people.
and i'm still petty enough to hope that he regrets this missed opportunity like hell.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
A movie moment?
The entire night last night i was drinking just to get drunk. i was doing this because i was not motivated to go out in the first place, i was in a stupid funk i could not get out of, and i was pissed off/confused about my boy situation. Which is completely fucked by the way (more on that to come). so my night was pretty much sabotaged from the beginning.
i did not see the Best Friend Hookup all night, and received no texts/call from him. This angered me and destroyed my self-esteem further. but what completely capped off my night happened in the last five minutes.
To set up the scene, i accomplished my mission of getting drunk. i accomplished it so well and with such determination that i had to leave the bar before it closed because i was starting to get nauseous. So one of my friends, Red Head, offers to walk me home. since we are such good friends i thought nothing of it. Wrong.
i'm so drunk at this point i don't even want to go to late night to possibly see the Best Friend Hookup, who i had already drunkenly texted like a stupid stupid girl. Did i mention that Best Friend and Red Head are teammates...on the lacrosse team? oh yeah. My life looks like a effin' Greek tragedy.
But i digress.
Since i do not want to go to late night, and have drunkenly explained why to Red Head (which he apparently knew all about anyways), i decide to cut my losses and head home. Red Head says he just wants to go home too, and offers to walk me back since we live in the same apartment building. Once again, since we are good friends i think nothing of it. Wrong AGAIN.
We head back to his aparment because i thought all the guys who live with him were going to be up to party. unfortunately everyone was asleep, so me and Red Head just ended up hanging out on the couch talking for 20 minutes. All i desperately wanted to do was pass out, so i said goodnight to Red Head and walked upstairs.
I managed to get upstairs and close the apartment door. I walk through the common room and get to my bedroom door when i hear a knock. Thinking that one of my roomates must have forgotten her ID to get into the apartment, i open up the door without even looking through the peephole.
It's Red Head.
"Hey, I just wanted to do one thing"
He cups my face and kisses me. At this point i am so wasted and so surprised i just let it happen. And then because i am drunk, pissed off, and lonely, i start kissing him back. All during this event, the fact that this kiss is coming out of nowhere, and it's Best Friend Hookup's teammate is the only thing running through my head. We break apart, and i just stare at him.
"Sorry, I just wanted to do that"
"For how long?" is the only question i thought to ask.
"I don't know, i don't know" Red Head answers.
"Well, goodnight"
And he goes in again. and i respond again. by now i had no idea what was going on with my life and was just going with the flow. i pull away and say "Goodnight Red Head" and close the door.
I then proceed to freak out.
and all i can think is that i just have just stayed in.
i did not see the Best Friend Hookup all night, and received no texts/call from him. This angered me and destroyed my self-esteem further. but what completely capped off my night happened in the last five minutes.
To set up the scene, i accomplished my mission of getting drunk. i accomplished it so well and with such determination that i had to leave the bar before it closed because i was starting to get nauseous. So one of my friends, Red Head, offers to walk me home. since we are such good friends i thought nothing of it. Wrong.
i'm so drunk at this point i don't even want to go to late night to possibly see the Best Friend Hookup, who i had already drunkenly texted like a stupid stupid girl. Did i mention that Best Friend and Red Head are teammates...on the lacrosse team? oh yeah. My life looks like a effin' Greek tragedy.
But i digress.
Since i do not want to go to late night, and have drunkenly explained why to Red Head (which he apparently knew all about anyways), i decide to cut my losses and head home. Red Head says he just wants to go home too, and offers to walk me back since we live in the same apartment building. Once again, since we are good friends i think nothing of it. Wrong AGAIN.
We head back to his aparment because i thought all the guys who live with him were going to be up to party. unfortunately everyone was asleep, so me and Red Head just ended up hanging out on the couch talking for 20 minutes. All i desperately wanted to do was pass out, so i said goodnight to Red Head and walked upstairs.
I managed to get upstairs and close the apartment door. I walk through the common room and get to my bedroom door when i hear a knock. Thinking that one of my roomates must have forgotten her ID to get into the apartment, i open up the door without even looking through the peephole.
It's Red Head.
"Hey, I just wanted to do one thing"
He cups my face and kisses me. At this point i am so wasted and so surprised i just let it happen. And then because i am drunk, pissed off, and lonely, i start kissing him back. All during this event, the fact that this kiss is coming out of nowhere, and it's Best Friend Hookup's teammate is the only thing running through my head. We break apart, and i just stare at him.
"Sorry, I just wanted to do that"
"For how long?" is the only question i thought to ask.
"I don't know, i don't know" Red Head answers.
"Well, goodnight"
And he goes in again. and i respond again. by now i had no idea what was going on with my life and was just going with the flow. i pull away and say "Goodnight Red Head" and close the door.
I then proceed to freak out.
and all i can think is that i just have just stayed in.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
what i'm waiting for
something about listening to john mayer always brings the issue of boy/girl interactions to mind. he's in the background crooning about not being really ready, or together, and how his heart is still unsteady.
that's me.
my heart is very unsteady, and yet ready to jump of the training wheels into a relationship again. i wish i could tell it that i'm not ready, and that foolishly when i'm single i will always yearn for something meaningful. unfortunately i don't want a meaningful something with just one person...but a series of meaningful moments with multiple people.
my roomate told me that i am "the type of person who is meant for a soulmate, a grand passion". Apparently i got saddled with the impossible desire and makeup that destines me for one person. i am constantly searching for that one person who embodies all that is attractive to me, someone that i dream about.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to stay with one person, or even to really know if i've ever been in love. i am waiting for that someone who will make eye contact with me, and cause a chill to rush down my spine. someone who with one touch can make my skin spark, and my pulse jump.
So i cycle through different guys and sometimes i get caught up in the moment, and convince myself that maybe if i date them for a while, that feeling will come. Now, i'm going to try a different approach. i am going to stop trying to so hard. i am going to stop trying to fix others, and try to uncover in them what wasn't there in the first place.
The hard part is anticipating and imagining the wonder of the moment, and to be patient enough to let it happen.
that's me.
my heart is very unsteady, and yet ready to jump of the training wheels into a relationship again. i wish i could tell it that i'm not ready, and that foolishly when i'm single i will always yearn for something meaningful. unfortunately i don't want a meaningful something with just one person...but a series of meaningful moments with multiple people.
my roomate told me that i am "the type of person who is meant for a soulmate, a grand passion". Apparently i got saddled with the impossible desire and makeup that destines me for one person. i am constantly searching for that one person who embodies all that is attractive to me, someone that i dream about.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to stay with one person, or even to really know if i've ever been in love. i am waiting for that someone who will make eye contact with me, and cause a chill to rush down my spine. someone who with one touch can make my skin spark, and my pulse jump.
So i cycle through different guys and sometimes i get caught up in the moment, and convince myself that maybe if i date them for a while, that feeling will come. Now, i'm going to try a different approach. i am going to stop trying to so hard. i am going to stop trying to fix others, and try to uncover in them what wasn't there in the first place.
The hard part is anticipating and imagining the wonder of the moment, and to be patient enough to let it happen.
no plans
i feel like i have no direction...boywise, lifewise, or moneywise.
i'm still fresh out of a recent breakup and the world of singledom is scary and fascinating. i'm just trying to keep myself from bingeing on multiple boys in a destructive way.
The last thing i want to do is get involved in something messy again.
i'm still fresh out of a recent breakup and the world of singledom is scary and fascinating. i'm just trying to keep myself from bingeing on multiple boys in a destructive way.
The last thing i want to do is get involved in something messy again.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Me times two
Are you friends with someone that makes you...more you?
That's what happened this weekend. My best friend from home came up and things just got crazy. Alcohol tastes better, shots went down eaiser, things were just more fun. It was one of those weekends when everything just worked out. We went to the right bars, we got wasted but not so wasted the night was ruined, and we danced our little asses off.
It's because me and her are so similiar, and so when we get together we play off each other and end up full of energy and fun. I am so full of life with her that i'm surprised i don't glow. and i think people notice and are drawn to it.
so it was awesome. the sort of awesome that words can't do justice too.
That's what happened this weekend. My best friend from home came up and things just got crazy. Alcohol tastes better, shots went down eaiser, things were just more fun. It was one of those weekends when everything just worked out. We went to the right bars, we got wasted but not so wasted the night was ruined, and we danced our little asses off.
It's because me and her are so similiar, and so when we get together we play off each other and end up full of energy and fun. I am so full of life with her that i'm surprised i don't glow. and i think people notice and are drawn to it.
so it was awesome. the sort of awesome that words can't do justice too.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
a potential something??
everything is so much more intimate in the dark.
your flaws are invisible or softened. the unspoken becomes heavy with meaning, and the words that are spoken are soft and rich. people are more gentle and tentative in the dark. girls become more confident and guys feel more comfortable being sweet.
promises are made in the dark.
which is why now i'm uncertain if i read too much into the hookup with the Best Friend.
Because even though promises and sweetness are exchanged in the dark, they usually wither in the light.
your flaws are invisible or softened. the unspoken becomes heavy with meaning, and the words that are spoken are soft and rich. people are more gentle and tentative in the dark. girls become more confident and guys feel more comfortable being sweet.
promises are made in the dark.
which is why now i'm uncertain if i read too much into the hookup with the Best Friend.
Because even though promises and sweetness are exchanged in the dark, they usually wither in the light.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
no idea what i'm doing
i am a dirty dirty slut.
what kind of emotionally f'ed up girl hooks up with one of her best friends a week after she breaks up with a boyfriend who is still desperately in love with her?
oh that's right...(*spotlight swings to me*)
::sigh::
i need a babysitter.
what kind of emotionally f'ed up girl hooks up with one of her best friends a week after she breaks up with a boyfriend who is still desperately in love with her?
oh that's right...(*spotlight swings to me*)
::sigh::
i need a babysitter.
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