for some odd reason, whenever i develop a new crush or liking for someone, i am seized by this insatiable urge to find out everything about them. call me weird, call me crazy but i find myself wondering a number of things about them...in this particular case, Miami. (by the way, things are fixed...he was sulking like a little girl waiting for me to make the first move. sigh.....men).

but, i digress.

i find myself painting pictures in my head of what he's like, despite the fact that i've known him for six years and have been best friends with him for three of those years. it's odd to find out that even though i've known him that long, i still have no idea exactly what color his eyes are. oh well, i know they are brown, i'm not that unobservant, but what exact shade of brown? are they muddy with flecks of gold and green in them? are they a deep chocolate, clear and warm? are they a light caramel, almost golden? or are they so dark a brown as to be almost black? i've never cared to look or think about something as commonplace as his eye color, yet it now seems vital that i know this information.

this type of curiosity leads to other questions. how many types of smiles does he have? what causes his smile to start slow and sweet, a slow transformation of his face versus an event that results in a grin, a sharp slash of white teeth, stunning and unexpected like summer lightning? i want to discover what lights him up on the inside, what causes his interest to spark and his eyes to shine. i want his moments of vulnerability, rare and tender, as much as i want his arrogance, confident and probably infuriating.

How does he sleep? with his arms flung wide as if to encompass everything withing his reach, or unmoving and steady throughout the night? i would like to be there to watch him wake up, to see if he snaps awake cleanly and clearly or if he is a little slower, with his eyes soft and blurry for a while until his mind catches up.

i need to know the feel of his palm against mine, and if our hands will fit. i want to know his scent so that i will recognize when he walks into a room, and feel it envelop me when he holds me close. i wonder what it would be like to talk to him in person, as more than a voice on the phone; to listen to him speak while i'm lying on his chest, feeling his voice rumble throughout his body. i want to peel him away layer by layer, to see more than just the surface, and to uncover hidden depths that he may or may not have. i want his passion, his hopes, his dreams, his soul. each of this pieces will fit together to uncover a different picture of him....one that i am now just realizing i want to see.

but this is all somewhat impossible with him being a thousand miles away.

sigh.

so i am going to be living a rich fantasy life for a while...
and wondering if his mind is traveling the same paths mine are.