slow down

i. hate. smothering.

The calling. all the time. The im's when i come back from being away. This constant need to see me every day. dear jesus, no one wants to be with someone else that frickin' much. i feel like my personal space is slowly shrinking around me until i can't breathe, can't think. he's a hockey player. aren't they supposed to be the arrogant athletes that i pretend i can't stand but really want so bad that my mouth actually waters? aren't they supposed to be a challenge---an adventure?

people have told him about me. warned him about me actually. don't push her. don't surround her. give her space. she doesn't like to be hounded or stalked. would it ever occur to him to actually listen to the people that know me?

it's too fast and too soon. i'm not the type of person who can be pinned down and roped into a relationship within a matter of weeks. it doesn't work that way with me. i need time. time to reveal who i am. time to see if he can handle what's beneath the surface. time to see if he is who i want to be with. i'm not willing to settle for the shallow high school/college relationship that consists of hooking-up and then discovering if you actually like the person who makes your body melt. i want the combination. the mind and the body.

i'm just as capable of casual sex as the next person. and sometimes that's just what i want. but not now. not again. i need stimulation; someone to stir my blood and brain.

might as well ask for the impossible, right?

so Hockey Boy needs to back the "f" off.