no more

i'm so tired of secrets. i'm tired of gossip. i'm tired of having my expectations proven wrong again and again. i'm tired of finding out that some people i know possess some not-so-stellar qualities. i'm tired of heart-to-hearts with people in which they feel i am the best person to tell their secrets to. i'm tired of being reliable and nice and a shoulder to lean on. my shoulder is getting worn down. i feel heavier and heavier with all the information that's being pressed on me. once people have told me their secrets it means i am responsible in some way. i have to give them advice, or reassure them that it's okay. but it's not okay. i don't like knowing things about people that i'm not normally privy to. other people may like knowing all the dirt. knowing the dirt doesn't make me feel important...it just makes me feel unclean.

i like to think in general that people are good with somewhat decent motivations. lately i'm finding out that isn't always the case. people aren't always aboveboard. most of the time people are sneaky. most of the time people are lying to themselves and others.

i'm disappointed. this weekend i found out more unsavory details about people than i ever wanted to know. and it wasn't light stuff either. because people were telling me secrets about themselves. those are the worst kind. you can't brush off secrets like those. those types of secrets are never nice. they're selfish, and awful, and change how you look at them. i don't want to know those types of things. i don't want to have to change how i look at people. yet people continued to chose me as their confidant, a role which i sometimes dread assuming.

i agree with average girl.
keep your secrets.
i have enough of my own.