i love my sisters...don't get me wrong. but i guess i just expect more out of them than they are willing to give.
i was so excited to come home and see them for thanksgiving. yet for all of our promises to spend time together i haven't seen them much at all. they seem unenthusiastic about doing things together, or frustrated by conversations with me. the youngest acts as if having to speak with me is as painful as trying to speak with our mother.
on my actual birthday i didn't see them other than when they were forced to spend time with me because we went out to dinner as a family. when we are all home we stay in our seperate rooms or the two of them go off and do something without even knocking on my door or asking me to come.
now i find out that one of my sisters would rather spend time with the best friend that broke her heart than with me. even after i promised endless support. i'm proud that she's that forgiving. really. but it makes me think that maybe constant caring isn't really rewarded. maybe i'm taken for granted.
i guess i am not as needed as i thought.
and i guess i'm still surprised by how much that hurts every time.
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