something about listening to john mayer always brings the issue of boy/girl interactions to mind. he's in the background crooning about not being really ready, or together, and how his heart is still unsteady.
that's me.
my heart is very unsteady, and yet ready to jump of the training wheels into a relationship again. i wish i could tell it that i'm not ready, and that foolishly when i'm single i will always yearn for something meaningful. unfortunately i don't want a meaningful something with just one person...but a series of meaningful moments with multiple people.
my roomate told me that i am "the type of person who is meant for a soulmate, a grand passion". Apparently i got saddled with the impossible desire and makeup that destines me for one person. i am constantly searching for that one person who embodies all that is attractive to me, someone that i dream about.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to stay with one person, or even to really know if i've ever been in love. i am waiting for that someone who will make eye contact with me, and cause a chill to rush down my spine. someone who with one touch can make my skin spark, and my pulse jump.
So i cycle through different guys and sometimes i get caught up in the moment, and convince myself that maybe if i date them for a while, that feeling will come. Now, i'm going to try a different approach. i am going to stop trying to so hard. i am going to stop trying to fix others, and try to uncover in them what wasn't there in the first place.
The hard part is anticipating and imagining the wonder of the moment, and to be patient enough to let it happen.
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