i am a mess

i am a very go with the flow person. i don't like planning in advance, and i hate being hemmed in by things set in stone.

which is probably why relationships and any kind of boundaries scare the bejesus out of me.
which also makes me a very hard person to date/get-to-know/see.

so maybe the problem isn't only with guys. i'm man..*ahem*...woman enough to admit that i might be part of the problem.

i am a walking contradiction. i want the stability and comfort of a relationship but not the restrictions. i want the dependency and familiarity with one person but not the boredom of the same old thing day in and day out. i want to be independent but i hate loneliness. i am not built for meaningless hook-ups or one night stands, yet as soon as something starts to look meaningful i run away.

i like being free and single. but i hate feeling so alone.
i need to find a way to resolve these conflicts because all they're doing is subtly sabotaging every relationship i have before it even starts.