i want to make a connection. i want someone to meet and then actually pursue me. someone that makes it exciting for me to go out. i want the interest to linger, instead of fading after that first meeting.
what happened to dating? to delving deeper into the person at a movie, over entrees, or even during a casual walk. when did it all become about the bottom line? about how much you guys could get us to agree to at the end of the night? about seeing if you actually could get us to come home with you?
i'm sick of being interchangable. of being one more girl in a bar. one more notch on the bedpost. one more pair of lips, breasts, and ass. i'm so frustrated with guys refusing to differentiate being girls. i hate how they are scared to get to know us....because then they wouldn't be able to objectify us and leave us behind. if they knew us, they would actually like and respect us. god forbid.
i want to shake them. to make them actually look at me. to notice that i have blue eyes, not green or brown. to realize that i have a brain, and i like beer and sports and hanging out. that even though i like all that stuff, i'm still a girl who has a secret fondness for baby animals, and hates scary movies. i want them to see that i am so much more complex than how i come off. that they can't just take me or leave me. that i am someone worth holding on to. that i am a person, not just a girl.
i have a reputation of being hard to get. the girl that no one really can really make any headway with. and that's hard for me to hear. because i don't like being cynical. i don't like having to try to assess the hidden motivations of every guy i talk to. i hate having a shield around me, and i hate only being able to trust guys just that far.
but wearing my heart on my sleeve has only gotten it hurt.
so i'm still looking.
connection. heat. sparks. interest.
here's to hoping that someone comes through.
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so instead of putting up walls to keep yourself protected, maybe you need to be the one trying to bash through one of these guys you so quickly lose interest in.
maybe you aren't differentiating between the guys that you do meet. maybe you just keep scaring people away.
maybe you're like me... as much as you hate being alone... it's one of the only places you feel comfortable. and maybe it's time to leave that comfort zone. not by wearing your heart on your sleeve, but by reaching in and grabbing someone else's heart out of their chest.
wouldn't it be so great if you could just sit back and have the guy do all the work? obviously... that hasn't been working for you.
ok. i'll get off my soap box now. but god girl, get empowered!!
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