i broke up with my boyfriend on friday.
i'm numb. but with a hollow empty sort of feeling in my stomach.
i'm unhappy...but i don't think being with him again would make me happy. it would be a comfortable escape, putting off the time when i would have to hurt him again.
and i hurt him.
oh, how i hurt him.
the thing is, our relationship was good. we didn't break up because of cheating, or fighting, or instability. we broke up because i became confused about my feelings, and didn't know if i could handle a relationship while back at school when he was not there.
i cried hysterically when i did it. but not for me, for him. for the fact that something inside me is so messed up and twisted that in every relationship i just shut down emotionally and can't give anymore. it gets to a certain point, i freak out or talk myself into breaking it off, and then i run like hell the other way.
he is a great guy. he treats me like gold. and even after i broke his heart like a glass bowl, he offered the shards to me. he is still so in love with me, that's it's painful to listen to what he will settle for from me.
i don't want to hurt anyone anymore. yet i can't seem to help it.
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